TheCalmDev (Dev J Haldar)

ravings, rantings and ramblings

Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan

There was a long tussle in my head if I should dedicate a post to Shahrukh Khan and his narcissistic, multi-million project. But then, I did, in greed. Here is a statutory warning: some portions of this post would be very caustic; however hard I would try to restrain myself. So, stop reading this if you are a SRK fan. 

a soggy tale of a super heroAfter watching Ra.One (a week after it released) I feel that SRK ain’t a normal human being at all. In fact, his intelligence levels have superceded all before him. He could successfully qualify as Martian with the type of yarn he spun for this film. Most super hero films of repute have some ‘suspension of disbelief’ – a fact that lays the foundation for the superhero. This film needed just that. But there was no radioactive spider or an alien from an exploding planet! Here were rays of all sorts emitted from every screen that gave life a dummy model of the super-villain and the super-hero. A little too technical for me to digest.

SRK claimed that he made this film for his kids as they complained that he never did anything for them. What a sweet gesture from a father to his growing son! He has introduced a chapter in parenting by doing the following, and I enumerate:

  1. Drawn attention to his crotch innumerable times by falling on it, grabbing it basically using it much more than MJ ever did on stage. 
  2. Giving in to cheap humour like introducing the 3 sisters of Bruce Lee as ‘Iski Lee’, ‘Uski Lee’ and ‘Sabki Lee’.
  3. Kareena doing her Ph.D in expletives using the male gender and using a few ‘creative’ ones in the film. Earth shattering idea that!
  4. Grabbed Kareena’s breast in one shot! Neither his hand nor the camera moved away from it. I am dying to ask her that well knowing the answer that she ‘did it’ only for Shahrukh (sic)!
  5. And presented a booty-shaking song. Nothing wrong with the song or the picturisation, just that when the camera concentrates on shimmying and shaking bums in a suggestive motion; I wonder how other parents would react to that.

And if I were to leave all of this aside and seen the film from an entertainment perspective, I admit I wasnt half as excited as I was when I saw the Incredible Hulk! Funny thing is that today, audiences are open to many international projects. So, how do you, Shahrukh expect audiences to be wowed by your screen character and film when it was Batman meets Spiderman meets Krrish meets Terminator meets Matrix meets Ironman? Never thought that the audiences would get that, eh? I would need something different, wouldn’t I?

In fact, the scene where the super hero G.One bursts on to the screen didn’t evoke anything. Not just me but the cinema hall I was in. The only time there were claps and whistles was when Rajinikanth did his cameo as ‘Chitti’. I had a omnious feeling when I first saw the trailers of Ra.One featuring G.One. In fact, I had urged you on radio once, to be careful with a name like G dot One (G.One). If the dot between ‘G’ and ‘One’ disappeared then you would be GONE.

And seriously, I didn’t see the humour in gobbling curd-noodles to disparage a Tamilian in the most distasteful manner ever!

Here’s what I suggest SRK – go to the Himalayas for sometime; you take a sabbatical! Get away from the pressure of being ‘King Khan’ and a power-lister. Get away from sitting on Karan’s couch and saying ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ to the entire fraternity. Get away from doing forced promotions on TV. Get away from over-using your charm and out-leveraging your star power. And yes, get away from making any other film for kids. You ain’t got that touch!

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14 comments on “Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan

  1. Nandita Paul
    November 10, 2011

    hahahahah!! Always thought he was an ass!! Yet ppl put him on a pedestal!! Can’t for the life of me understand why!!
    Nandita

  2. vibsbha
    November 10, 2011

    wise decision on me …..dint watch the film..saved money and time 🙂 liked wht u wrote 🙂

  3. Dr. Rajshekher
    November 10, 2011

    Writing any more lines on SRK and/or RaOne is a waste of cyberspace! Contribute to environmental protection by saving on e-paper and e-space. Dev, your analysis is superb, especially about all the lewd gestures and innuendos in the movie; maybe the script-writer, the director, or whoever else it is who decides on a gesture/posture/scene is ultimately to be blamed, but some of the scenes were distasteful even by adult (and liberal, lascivious) standards. The movie had the hallmarks of a FAILED comedy the moment the first gag was done and my children gave a stone cold reaction. Why did he try to mix slapstick with super-hero stuff? Wants to create a new genre?

    • Dev J Haldar aka Calmdev
      November 10, 2011

      Unequivocally agree with you! Wish SRK or his team could read about your kids’ reaction. And as for the genre, there is one such that mixes super hero and slapstick but is usually PG rated or adult due to the sexist comedy / gags.

  4. mobin agha
    November 10, 2011

    One Failure dsnt make the King of Bollywood bad. . . there were other disastrous super hero movies in bollywood too. . . . havent u’ll liked his movies like DDLJ, KKHH, MNK . . . . . . and so on… Kudos to him atleast he tried!

    • Dev J Haldar aka Calmdev
      November 10, 2011

      Mobin 🙂 agree that one failure is not a write-off but the demands of a few profession is such. However, his antics in this particular film sincerely were not mention-worthy.

  5. Honey
    November 10, 2011

    Whoaaa!!! That is some review!! Well there are certain parts where u were so right i.e. the film being centered at kids n so not following the lead. Agree! But lets just assume, the 3d effects for an indian film ?? They were outstanding fr me!
    The film otherwise was crap!

    Well written dev 🙂

    • Dev J Haldar aka Calmdev
      November 10, 2011

      Well, thank you Honey! Glad you enjoyed reading! 🙂
      However for the sake of technology, I don’t think I will be ready to digest the over-the-top histrionics. I will snuggle up to Kung Fu Panda or Tintin in 3D for that.

  6. Hari Achariya
    November 30, 2011

    The burden of ‘Superstar’ & ‘his larger than life image of KING KHAN’ is weighing down too much on SRK & in his desperateness to hold on to the same, he has completely lost the plot in Ra.One.
    I honestly feel that he should take your advice & go on a sabbatical and come back with some fresh ideas & energy, if he has to retain his stronghold on bollywood for some more years.

  7. sumeet
    February 26, 2012

    well I felt the soundtrack was good, as well as the background score.

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