Pet Peeves of the Cyber Order
Human civilisation has a new obsession. Social networking. Behaviour scientists, I am sure, would agree that it marks a new curve in human evolution as Homo sapiens climb another Darwinian ladder.
The following are a few observations. I confess that most are frivolous nouveau habits that irritate the good senses out of me.
- Announcing private time on public domain eg spending quality time with wife or sharing TLC with hubby. My response to those: please do not waste a potential opportunity to make money. Sign up with any adult television channel or reality TV show and become stars overnight.
- Saccharin-sweet love-lorn messages. Usually they elicit responses that are guttural eg: awww! Typically when a nubile wife wants the world to know how she misses her ‘doll’ who is out on work, who responds within an hour. He reciprocates by an equally nauseating message where the wife is compared to animals that have sub-textual and sexual connotations. My response to those: same as point 1.
- Pop psychologists! This is a new breed that ovulates in the status bar in multitudes. Typically postulate things that would make an interesting dull-brained American reality show. This breed would typically not know who Freud was or if at all they did, they would spell it without a ‘U’ and with an extra ‘O’ and ‘Y’. My response: run!!!
- Cyber Spite! I am particularly averse to this type of status messaging. Most four letter foul words will be used as adjectives and verbs. Mark some new coinage of nouns with the same. Topics would range from racism, sexism, bad dates, bad luck, lame forwards. My response: please adopt a new lexicon and get anger-management classes.
- Pneumonic mockery. I don’t remember when was the last time, people wrote their name, as is; without the irritating pneumonics like heart, smiley, arrows, brackets, slashes, commas, finger signs. Soon names on passports will read like Hash D slash E hyphen V thumbs up slash heart! Am afraid, the cribbing was rhetorical.
- Friend request without sending an introductory mail. It is not good enough to send a request unless one knows the other person really well. In such cases, I am compelled to ask a few questions. Should I add you because we have 3 mutual friends? Should I add you because you were the missing accessory on my FB friend list? Should I add you because your profile picture will hypnotize me into accepting the friend request? Or should I add you because I want you (and through you, many more) to watch what I do in life? Answer to all above – sorry.
- What? An ‘Un-friend’ Day? No kidding, 17 Nov is the FB un-friend day. One day to weed out the dead stock in your friends list because all year round, you blindly add people to your list and gloat on the growing numbers. My response: How many of those on your friend-list actually communicate with you?
- See what my tea-stains predict for me??? Shun these applications! It gets my emotions out in its purest. Allow me to vent it out – I couldn’t care less if your cyber farm increased in cyber acres, or your cyber hen laid an egg, or your cyber dog is hungry for a bone, or your cyber cow didnt moo last night! I couldn’t care a cyber rat’s a** if the fortune cookie predicted that you will be a year older on your birthday. I do not care if you are as nerdy as Ross or you wish to buy off a friend from a rival, or you are enrolling for a mob job. I could well use a four-letter word here. I care a BEEP for these inane timepass applications. Creators of the same should be sued for online invasion of sanity!
- Guerilla marketing tactics! Tagging all and sundry for events of all sorts. My response: didnt marketing basics teach you about profiling?
- Itinerary litanies! Good for you if you are busier than George Clooney or Angelina Jolie. But would I really care to glare at my computer screen to see which side of the bed you woke up, what you had for breakfast, OMG a long-lost friend messaged, pop philosophy of life as you witness sun-down, where you are headed for your performance / party, how you are soooo going to have a hangover and the next day an early morning update of the hangover? My response: no.